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You are a Scarlett Begonia not a Shrinking Violet

This is what's left of my prized Begonia...given to me by a dear friend years ago. She was a gift celebrating the opening of my former healing center...a simple cutting from a much larger specimen that adorned my friend's workspace.

Over the years, Scarlett (amusingly named by Rob) has followed the path of my own personal journey. By no coincidence, "scarlet" or more commonly known, red, is the color of our root chakra. "The I am" seat of the soul. She has taught me life skills and kept the message simple.

  • How to gracefully and sometimes not so gracefully move into the light

  • How love can limitlessly expand beyond our perception when shared with a friend

  • To be still (dormancy) is vital to the expansion, maintenance and repair of our radiance

  • That we can ALWAYS start over

  • That all is not lost, despite what things look like in front of us.

  • Darkness is where the magic happens

I could go on forever living in the metaphor of this beautiful plant's life. She has a rich story to tell. Scarlett flourished for years in my prior studio space. She moved effortlessly from room to room and never really rooted anywhere in particular. She just seemed to bloom wherever I planted her. As the years flew by, she grew immeasurably. Occasionally she would need a trim and I would lovingly offer her cuttings to clients, co-workers and friends. Scarlett always found a place in a home or a heart somewhere and it just made me happy to share what was given me years before.

2020...Covid hit. Our happy place, Scarlett and seemingly I, were at the top of our game when the world crashed. Life was expanding, Scarlett was blooming....I was making "BIG" plans. When that "two week to flatten the curve", curve-balled on us, Scarlett moved home and we all went online. For a while, she was happy to live among the strange stirrings of the pandemic. She had learned to lean toward the light and remain flexible in the constant currents of change around her, so this period seemed no different. She required very little attention and just seemed to flourish...until she didn't. The short story....Two plus years later, Scarlett had had enough. Her resilience finally withered beyond recognizable life. And then....darkness.

While all of this had been happening, the world was trying to find its own way and me along with it. I had been running and uprooting since 2020, unable to settle into my well-worn skin or bloom where planted. Shoving the trauma of so much loss, I considered relocation. I even contemplated giving up bodywork altogether. I had become tired of trying to find new life in the pain of an old story. Discomfort and limbo became a new normal, like it had and still is for so many others in this transitional time. I didn't understand, I was returning to poisoned roots and dead stems. I had forgotten the seed from which I came from...until one day I was brought to the place of remembering. And then....darkness.

About 40 days ago, I retired to my daughter's former bedroom and created a makeshift sacred space of my own. My spiritual grief had finally crested, and I could no longer contain my pain. In the darkness of that room, I picked up the phone, desperate for relief. Bea, a newer friend in recovery, was about 1500 miles away from me, but distance became bridged through her encouraging words.

One simple question...."Why don't you try to meditate, Kerri?" I winced...HARD. I had given that practice up with the closing doors of 280 Main Street. The thought of sitting in half lotus or on some colored zafu "Oming" my way through a stream of consciousness did not feel appealing in the least, but I begrudgingly agreed. Bea gave me 5 simple words....BREATHE IN GOD. EXHALE FEAR. She stayed with me on the phone for 20 minutes, breathing in God and exhaling all that fear with me. Something happened in that moment. I became willing to accept my own death as just a period of dormancy for myself and begin to live again. I returned to my scarlet roots and reconnected with the "I am".

Night after night, darkness comes. I retire to my sacred space. Insight timer goes on, the candle gets lit, sunset is long gone and I swiftly move into my breath with God. This is time well spent. Some nights are spent following a guide, some are spent in silence sending metta. Some evenings I simply welcome my thoughts and let them pass on a cloud. I am watching love grow and witnessing fear effortlessly evaporate. This sacred time, has become food for my spirit, soil for manifestation of a grateful life, and grounds for coming to know who I am and who I am not. Call it what you want, meditation is nothing more than the place we come to intimately know ourselves and intimately know what it means to begin again, day after day. It is a short period of dormancy for the soul...a safe place to root down and rest.

By no coincidence, Scarlett has sat for 40 days in darkness as well. While in this time, I grieved her "death", she has once again proved me ignorant at best. For you see, I misunderstood her own dormancy to be death. Pause to be conclusion. We all need a period of darkness to let the magic unfold. Scarlett is no different. She just needed a break.

Yesterday, my eyes were drawn to the tired red pot. I had finally become ready to unearth what was left of Scarlett's remains. And there in the folds of her old and decaying soil, sprouted signs of new life. This pot hadn't seen a ray of sunlight or ounce of water in weeks, but in that time of quiet, my sweet friend had planned this very miraculous moment for me to gain new understanding of how life cycles out...and cycles out again. Our existence in this never really dies. It simply rests for a while and then regenerates. Scarlett, You, me...we all have moments of repurpose by God's design. And when we surrender to the darkness...the magic appears without our efforts.

In this season of expansion, I remind you to rest and retreat daily to the darkness. Just a few minutes will cleanse your being and reunite you with your soul.

May you be happy. May you be peaceful, safe and at ease. May you be healed. Sending metta. Sending love.

In Prosperity and Health,

Kerri and Scarlett